For anyone who is worried about that kind of thing,
there are naughty words in this one, but not many.
Mow, mow, mow says the Blue Cat Myk Pilgrim © Copyright September 2014
It would not shut up. The stupid thing seemed never to shut up. From the moment before Rick had even opened his eyes he could hear it. The incessant whining which dug into his mind like razor tipped fingers searching for a lost quarter in his brain stem.
It continued as he clicked on the kettle. When he clunked his coffee mug down and sat at the table, the hateful beast’s tone changed from long whines to a steady, but no less infuriating, mow. Rick’s skin crawled like he was covered in hungry ants. Mow. His fist clenched tightly around the chipped 'I’m happy you're up mug'. The ever smiling clown on its side unable to escape the grasp of Rick’s fast bottling rage. Mow. Bill put the mug to his lips. The cold cringe clawed its way between the fibres of his vertebrae and down his spine. The coffee was burnt, Rick pursed his lips and took another sip.
Mow. He began to wonder what burning hair would smell like.
Rick recalled the time his mother had forgotten the stir fry on the stove while she'd walked off to chat on the phone. The tang of sweet burnt oriental meat hadn't left the house for over a month. The fireman had said that the black smoke made it look much worse than it was, but mom had never lived it down. Even now after she was 6 years gone, it was his Father’s favourite story to tell at gatherings. The dog hadn't minded, he'd eaten his way through the burnt bits on the floor like he'd won the jack pot.
By any dog’s standards, he had.
Rick missed that stupid dog.
All he had now was that stupid blue cat and its bottomless capacity for making sounds that aggravated him. His wife Beth loved the thing and Rick loved her with every breath he had to give. Their two kids loved the fur ball too, but the natural transference of love that tends to happen with these things had just never settled in. The cat would sit near and on him, make no mistake about that. It would stare which was also was fine enough. Rick wasn’t an asshole. He liked cats mostly, mostly cats liked him too. It was just this one.
Sometimes Rick wondered if he was the only one in the family that could hear it.
He felt crazy even playing with the thought. Maybe his hearing was going. He’d heard about people losing their hearing and developing phantom sounds that wouldn’t go away. Ringing, it turned out that one guy was picking up radio signals through his fillings. Rick didn’t like the thought of that much. Just sharing his mind with himself was almost more than he could take most of the time. He’d begged them to take the cat with them on their annual visit to ‘the one that spawned her’ Beth’s words not his.
“Please don’t leave me alone with it Bee”
“Don’t be ridiculous” Beth said as she held him firmly against herself
“You run a God damn international company and anyway besides all that” she leaned closer so she could whisper in his ear
“You are Rick-Fucking-Osbourne”
The words made the hairs stand up on the back of his neck, blood began to reroute to other places in his body too. The fleeting thought was banished by the kids giggling as they overheard things they shouldn’t. Beth quickly shooed them into the car, not even skipping a beat. She never got flustered. Her strength was one of the things Rick loved most about her. Well, that and her ass.
“Get a grip on yourself sweetheart, it’s just a stupid cat. Seriously stop acting like a crazy person. It’s not out to get you.”
Rick nodded, she kissed him. The kids in the car ‘oohed’ loudly, something they had learnt from a school trip to the pantomime. Beth promised to call and check in when they arrived, and she had.
The blue haired critter hadn’t left him alone in the three days since.
The cat looked up from beneath the table. Puss coloured eyes locked into his from beneath ragged blue fur as if it was trying to take over his mind.
Force him to do things, make him feed the little blue shit machine.
Rick decided he wasn’t going to do it. Not today. Today he took a stand. If it couldn’t learn how to behave, then it wouldn’t eat.
The cat with the blue fur absent mindedly pawed at his leg, claws pinching into his calf. The pain caught Rick off guard. He suddenly stood up, knocking his mug over, sending a sheet of black liquid pouring over the table surface. The cat didn’t flinch as the chair smashed to the floor loudly shattering one of the terracotta tiles. It's pupils still locked on him, the intensity of its moaning doubled.
Mow. Mow. Mow. Mow.
Each one plunged into him like a knife point.
Rick’s every muscle tightening to savage knots. He turned to the face the thing.
“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!”
His throat burned raw with every syllable. Pin pricks of wet betraying the true state of his insides. It didn’t budge. Screaming obscenities, Rick swung at the thing with every drop of poison he had to give. The cat unconcerned by the attack, shifted out of the blow’s reach as if it were a shadow. Rick’s fist caught nothing but air as its momentum tore out his centre of gravity and forced him to his knees. The blue furred cat returned to its former spot, seemingly unperturbed. The cat mowed. Despondency chewed at Rick with blunted teeth, his mind coming apart like a ball of wool in a wood chipper. He collapsed into a quivering heap on the floor, no longer capable of containing the tears or anything else.
The morning sun had already eaten the dew of the previous night by the time Girl-Cat jumped to the window ledge. She sat there momentarily, taking in the chaos that covered the floor of the small kitchen.The blue furred cat was too busy eating to notice her arrival.
“Why do you always do that Blue?”
He didn’t respond immediately. Girl-Cat had never cared much for his theatrics.
She licked a silver paw as she pretended not to notice the imposed silence.
“Because,” Blue mumbled his mouth still very full “Because I can.”
Girl-Cat tisk tisked to herself and continued her cleaning.
She hoped that eventually Blue would grow out of this kind of thing, but not just yet.
The lead up was just too much fun to watch.